Why did edie falco adopt, Edie Falco is one busy lady these days. She's starring in an off Broadway play called "This Wide Night," has "Nurse Jackie"on Showtime and is also a mother to Anderson and Macy who she adopted by herself. She spoke to ParentDish about being an older mom and how she balances it all.
ParentDish: I'm an older mother like you. Can you believe how much energy you need?
Edie Falco: I totally get it now why people do this when they're young. Though there are advantages and disadvantages but I never would have done this when I was young just because of my mindset, I couldn't have handled it very well. The energy level thing is definitely an issue.
PD: What do you mean by mindset?
EF: When I was in my 20s I was all over the place. I was a mess. I wanted to be an actress and I was living in a little hovel in New York. I was waitressing, I never had enough money. I was smoking and drinking and not taking care of myself in general. There was just no way I could have tried to take care of a kid. The brain that I have now and the inner workings are sort of optimum for raising kids but my physical level is nowhere where it should be. I say that but it's also true that I'm doing so many things right now. I'm doing a play; I'm doing "Nurse Jackie" publicity stuff and running my household so the truth is I'm doing a lot so I think that a young person would have difficulty doing all that too.
PD: Don't you think it's true that it takes a village to raise a child?
EF: Oh my God that was the thing. See I adopted my kids on my own as a single mother and when my son was first born I didn't have a nanny. I didn't have any help because I thought I'm just going to do this myself because that's what I agreed on to myself so I was doing all the feedings and classes and I have a dog in an apartment so when he needed to go out I would wrap my son up and take them both out and then my therapist at the time said to me, 'Why are you doing this? In cultures everyone helps raises kids.' Then I realized I needed a ton of help and that can only be good for a kid. To have people who love him and look out for him. So now we have tons of babysitters and friends and family over.
PD: Describe your parenting style?
EF: Gosh, I don't know what the heck to call it. I would guess you would say it's organic. At first when my son was born I had a lot of books and they just scared the hell out of me. It just seemed that I was doing nothing right and then I realized that I can't say all women, but many women, have an innate sense of how to parent and I had to access that. The more I listened to my own instincts in regard to dealing with my kid the better things seemed to go. So that's what I've been doing.
PD: New York City is a breeding place by momzillas.
EF: Yeah you can really get lost in that. When my son was 2 I brought him to preschool which in it of itself was shocking because that's what you do in Manhattan. You put your kid in school at 2 years old. Meanwhile I was in school at 5. It's insane. When I turned 5 on Long Island I just went where all the neighborhood kids went. We walked up the street to our local school. I don't remember anyone going to preschool so this is a whole new world, but when he was 2, the teachers in school started to notice there was something different about him and I course lost my mind. I was furious. I thought it was greenhouse parenting and micromanaging. But at the advice of a lot of these teachers I put him in some early intervention therapy and the truth is he does have learning issues and he has gotten better a million fold.
Had he grown up in the suburbs like me he would have been one of those kids who struggles his way through school never quite being up to par with the other kids, but you know the truth of the matter is most of my friends were that kid, so it's hard to say if he wouldn't have been OK ultimately.
My son is adopted and it turns out his birth mother did a certain amount of recreational drugs. I didn't know that when I adopted him. I found out later, which is neither here nor there, but I think ultimately it affected his learning stuff. So he's got some catching up to do. He's 5 now, but he's still a little behind the other kids. None of it matters, he's a great kid who loves me and his family and has friends.
PD: Are you sad or happy when you leave for work?
EF: It changes from day to day. Depending on how much time I'm getting to spend with them. When I'm not working and I'm with them 24 hours a day and I have an appointment, I can't wait to get out of the house. But on days lately when I don't see them much at all, like I get home from work when they're sleeping, I'll get into bed with them because my heart aches.
But for me it was never a choice about being a stay-at-home mom. I don't have that gene. I have so much more to offer them when I spend my days doing what I love. When I'm not working I'm cranky and unpleasant and short with them. These are things you learn about yourself. Truth is I'm doing the best I can and that's gotta be okay.
ParentDish: I'm an older mother like you. Can you believe how much energy you need?
Edie Falco: I totally get it now why people do this when they're young. Though there are advantages and disadvantages but I never would have done this when I was young just because of my mindset, I couldn't have handled it very well. The energy level thing is definitely an issue.
PD: What do you mean by mindset?
EF: When I was in my 20s I was all over the place. I was a mess. I wanted to be an actress and I was living in a little hovel in New York. I was waitressing, I never had enough money. I was smoking and drinking and not taking care of myself in general. There was just no way I could have tried to take care of a kid. The brain that I have now and the inner workings are sort of optimum for raising kids but my physical level is nowhere where it should be. I say that but it's also true that I'm doing so many things right now. I'm doing a play; I'm doing "Nurse Jackie" publicity stuff and running my household so the truth is I'm doing a lot so I think that a young person would have difficulty doing all that too.
PD: Don't you think it's true that it takes a village to raise a child?
EF: Oh my God that was the thing. See I adopted my kids on my own as a single mother and when my son was first born I didn't have a nanny. I didn't have any help because I thought I'm just going to do this myself because that's what I agreed on to myself so I was doing all the feedings and classes and I have a dog in an apartment so when he needed to go out I would wrap my son up and take them both out and then my therapist at the time said to me, 'Why are you doing this? In cultures everyone helps raises kids.' Then I realized I needed a ton of help and that can only be good for a kid. To have people who love him and look out for him. So now we have tons of babysitters and friends and family over.
PD: Describe your parenting style?
EF: Gosh, I don't know what the heck to call it. I would guess you would say it's organic. At first when my son was born I had a lot of books and they just scared the hell out of me. It just seemed that I was doing nothing right and then I realized that I can't say all women, but many women, have an innate sense of how to parent and I had to access that. The more I listened to my own instincts in regard to dealing with my kid the better things seemed to go. So that's what I've been doing.
PD: New York City is a breeding place by momzillas.
EF: Yeah you can really get lost in that. When my son was 2 I brought him to preschool which in it of itself was shocking because that's what you do in Manhattan. You put your kid in school at 2 years old. Meanwhile I was in school at 5. It's insane. When I turned 5 on Long Island I just went where all the neighborhood kids went. We walked up the street to our local school. I don't remember anyone going to preschool so this is a whole new world, but when he was 2, the teachers in school started to notice there was something different about him and I course lost my mind. I was furious. I thought it was greenhouse parenting and micromanaging. But at the advice of a lot of these teachers I put him in some early intervention therapy and the truth is he does have learning issues and he has gotten better a million fold.
Had he grown up in the suburbs like me he would have been one of those kids who struggles his way through school never quite being up to par with the other kids, but you know the truth of the matter is most of my friends were that kid, so it's hard to say if he wouldn't have been OK ultimately.
My son is adopted and it turns out his birth mother did a certain amount of recreational drugs. I didn't know that when I adopted him. I found out later, which is neither here nor there, but I think ultimately it affected his learning stuff. So he's got some catching up to do. He's 5 now, but he's still a little behind the other kids. None of it matters, he's a great kid who loves me and his family and has friends.
PD: Are you sad or happy when you leave for work?
EF: It changes from day to day. Depending on how much time I'm getting to spend with them. When I'm not working and I'm with them 24 hours a day and I have an appointment, I can't wait to get out of the house. But on days lately when I don't see them much at all, like I get home from work when they're sleeping, I'll get into bed with them because my heart aches.
But for me it was never a choice about being a stay-at-home mom. I don't have that gene. I have so much more to offer them when I spend my days doing what I love. When I'm not working I'm cranky and unpleasant and short with them. These are things you learn about yourself. Truth is I'm doing the best I can and that's gotta be okay.
